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Monday, March 11, 2002
      ( 6:17 PM ) Jackie  


I saw on the news last night that there would be a memorial in New York tonight, with major lights at the site of the World Trade Center. And I guess it's happening right now. As WNBC puts in so infelicitously: Local residents are enjoying a new addition to lower Manhattan skyline: the "Tribute in Light."

Last night there was a program on "9/11", advertised as showing footage from inside the towers. I couldn't watch it. It seemed ghoulish somehow. I think I know the central things: That thousands of people died, that it was horrific, that many people showed extraordinary strength and courage, that in the aftermath, the US has killed more thousands of people. That the killing goes on.

The things I want to know will not be televised. How can we make peace in a world filled with hate and greed? What is it in a person that allows them to be courageous? Why is it that I can be mean and small-minded in the face of the beauty in the world? And that I can at other times be kind and generous? How can I change the inner balance to have less of the former and more of the latter? How can people bear the loss of their loved ones, especially their children?

There are questions I have about the attack on the World Trade Center, and I don't think they'll be answered either. How could the airplanes leave their flight plan and fly to New York City at low altitudes and not be tracked? What really happened in Pennsylvania? Why was the Bush team so quick and so ready to attack Afghanistan? Why did the Congress abdicate it's responsibility? Why did we accept the militarization of our country with such docility, such meeknes? Why didn't the CIA keep Bin Laden's address when we supported him in the '80's?

How can human beings be so filled with hate that they would consider atomic warfare? How can they delude themselves that they would do this in the name of peace? Will the lush vegatation on Maui still be there when we have destroyed ourselves?

How can I hold on to the hope and strength and pure joy I feel when I think of my child or really look at a flower or the light dancing in the rain?

Like the revolution, the answers to these questions will not be televised.

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Words and photos from Jackie in Oakland, CA. More I cannot tell you ... I won't know what it is until I do it.

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